cellar_door_85

Mon, 17 Sep 2007 23:46:34 GMT

I really dont have much to say
Went to Maine over the weekend. Crazy times. Met a guy named Aaron.. nothing special, has a pretty cute dog though and i like his apartment. He was nice enough to have Lauren and I over and buy us a handle of rum. I have his number but i doubt ill call him. We clicked but didnt at all.. typical me typical story. Hey but men come and go.. and there will always be others. Just none like Him I think everyone knows who im talking about.

But that can never work
Never has
Never will

Thu, 30 Aug 2007 04:31:24 GMT

So today was the first day of my Senior year. Hannah picked me up and we drove there blah blah blah. I always hate the first day of a new school year. Its a bunch of teachers telling you the exact same thing and its just so slow and pointless. High School just feels so old to me... I feel so beyond it. But i have to keep my chin up and just make the best of things.

Hannah and i left during period D and got breakfast/drove by bottle man's. Some weird guy at the gas station asked me for my number... and i meant to give him the fake one that i always give out (i change the last four digits of my cell number) but since i get confused sometimes.. i accidently gave him my real number. And he has allready called. He is a big 27 year old black man named Trevor.. and i dont know what im going to do.. haha ill probably just sit back and laugh like i always do

anyway.. after school got out Hannah Shan and i piled in Hannah's car and went to her new boyfriend Steve's work. We lied to his boss saying that his grandma fell down some stairs so we could get him out of work early.. it worked. We went to the hollow, and i swam. Then we went to Star Buck's and blah blah blah.. Thats pretty much it

Fri, 17 Aug 2007 03:49:37 GMT

It is really weird to be back in CT.. i allready miss Maine and the island so much. I thought all the drama would lighten from Woodbury when i was gone.. but its like it picked up right where it left off.. which is not cool... but i can solve it. I've decided that i wont participate in all of the bullshit that im so over. Senior year is going to be kickass!!!

stressed like you wouldnt believe

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 14:41:27 GMT

mid week of last week of pre college is hell. Now i know how the drama kids feel every year when they experience "hell week". I have five video projects to finish.. this big cardboard bird, a self portrait using two bic pens (I also have to use all the ink), and this 2d design shit that i dont want to do at all... to top it all off... i have to have all of this done by Friday. i have today and tomorrow to bust my ass and cry a lot and bite my lip and get my shit done.

Lauren and i want to go crazy and party our asses off... but we really really really really really can't till all of our shit is all done. I love Lauren.. shes like a sister to me and we are shocked that we have only known each other for a little over three weeks. Anyway, i better get going.. my footage is done uploading.

I hope you all are having a grand old time this summer!! i know i am (for the most part)!!!!!!!!

Mon, 30 Jul 2007 15:46:40 GMT

so im in film again editing my super 8 i developed by hand. Frank said for a first timer i had beautiful exposure and that the film was gorgeous. Then we had to hang it out to dry and it all came off on our fingers "Kodak fucked us" was how he put it.. apparently Kodak sucks now.. and their quality is slowly getting worse and worse.. But my film still looked really cool, and the fact that some of the film rubbed off really added to the uniqueness of the film.

Last night i brought my pre college friend Lauren back to the island. We saw "Pimp Dawg" (Steve) at the boat. we hung out at the docks with his really cute puppy and a few other people. Then we went back to his house at like ten and found Rory. We all hung out and tried to get the rum out of this room.. but a naked middle aged man was sleeping in there and we were all grossed out/laughing. he was passed out dead drunk so its not like we would have woken him up.. but we did
Blah blah blah we drank had fun ran to the docks i filmed for my class. We passed out at Steve's and had to wake up for school.. running to my house and having to make up a story to my mom about where we were.. oh boy.. bad idea, anyway.. im just happy i got good footage.

Im sort of stressed.. its my last week in pre college and i have so much to do

Thu, 26 Jul 2007 15:48:59 GMT

So im in film class. We get to work with Super 8 film instead of digital.. and im really falling in love with it.. and im sort of bummed that its becoming harder and harder to get a hold of.

Summer art pre college is a lot of work.. its amazing how crazy things get.. its almost my lunch break

My summer has been insane... a lot of memorable moments.. a lot of things i cant remember for the life of me. Funny how those things work out.

I kept a regular journal.. my mom found it.. and read the first three pages.. oops.. anyway.. its not that big of a deal... its just extremely unlike her to do something like that.

I had figure sculpture all day yesterday. it was a lot of fun. We mainly worked on one classic pose. And my teacher gave me a 50lb box of this amazingly soft really really nice white clay... he gave me clay tools too.

anyway im going to go to lunch

goodnight

hey

Tue, 24 Apr 2007 15:51:46 GMT

long time no update. spring break was pretty good, i visited my sister in FL

Type your cut contents here.

Me and Digger (My sister's puppy)

Classic.

Calling Digger

Holding digger

me and the sister

My sister and digger

Mitch burried Digger!!!!

There was supposed to be more pictures, but everywhere we went we forgot our cameras. hahaha

Sun, 08 Apr 2007 22:29:46 GMT

Easter was nice. We had my mother's side of the family over for lunch. They are still akwardly affectionate WASPs, just as i always remembered them. And thats okay, i sort of like the dramatic difference between my mother's side and my father's side. Sometimes i just wish i werent so in the middle. (Affectionate like an Italian.. but cold like a WASP.. emotional like an italian, but reserved like a WASP) then again its not right of me to stereotype my family, myself, or anyone for that matter.
My father called in the middle of lunch, and left a message. After everyone left i called him back. Talked to him for a little while then the stepmother some how got the phone. (p.s. we arent on good terms.. never really have been, but we arent faking good terms anymore... at least im not) and it sort of went like this
Her: Hi Aili
me : Hi
Her : Happy easter
me: yeah, happy easter to you too
*Akward silence*
Her: Yeah??
me: Yeah.. i have to help my mother move a table
Her : okay heres your father.
Its funny how a conversation as short as that can make me shake so much. I guess i was expecting a big confrontation about the whole fight involving me the last time i talked to my dad, but i didnt get it, and i wasnt about to open any doors allowing one either.

Sat, 07 Apr 2007 22:38:32 GMT

So i finally decided to get off my ass and take Drivers Ed... Hannah and I are in the same class, and other than us most of the people there are annoying as annoying can be. Not to mention we are almost the oldest ones there
Mrs. Reynolds was on vacation so for our first class we had this ex cop asshole that was like a nazi. He claimed to have taught a million of the classes before, but the way he went about doing it was horrible. For one we didnt have our books yet, so the entire time he drew us pictures on the board of where to find stuff in your car that like everyone should know, and then he went on to tell us pointless facts that are so ovbious. im like "wow i guess some people really dont know how to start the engine but oh well"
I shouldnt complain, its just something i have to get over and done with, and then i can drive and blah blah blah.
The video he had us watch was soooooooo late 80s/early 90s dorky though... i loved it

Yesterday i went to Hannah's to make masks and have fun, which we did, and stuff, man why do i always update this thing when i really dont feel like writing?

gah

Mon, 26 Mar 2007 18:32:10 GMT

So i have art to do, and no idea what to do about any of this. For one i have a homework project called "Your Choice" WHAAATTT thats not even funny because this should be so easy for me to do.. because ive wanted to do a project like this forever.. but no when we get it i have no idea what to do. LAME
Then we have the college project.. which i wont even bother explaining.... I just dont know where to go with it... i dont know what to do.
On top of this there is a million acidemic things i need to do but im like "ahh fuck it" even though that isnt the attitude i know i should have.
I just wish i could sit myself down and get all of this done.. but then the phone rings... RIIIINNNGGGG and i pick it up even though i dont want to.... more because i feel i have to, when i know i dont at all. Then i think "do i want a distraction? do i want to be far behind? is my mom right in saying that i dont let good things happen to me?" I hope not. "

Anyway, i wish i could have someone there with me making sure i stay on task.. and it would be amazing if they could sit there too working on stuff they need to get done.. and an unakward silence, filled with music that we agree on, and every once in awhile we will stop to talk about something.. except they arent talking too much. And they dont need me, they dont need me but they want me. They dont cling to me, they could go as they please and only miss me alittle bit.

I just LOVE

Sun, 18 Mar 2007 18:41:02 GMT

My mom being gone all weekend
a few of my favorite kids showing up on saturday for fun and just chilling out
spacing out and making up theories about time.. and about how if it was on a graph X would be time and Y would be existence.. Because existence just is existence, but time goes on and on and on.
running around stop and shop and buying the most random things.. only to come home and realize that the most important thing we needed for st patty's day we were without.. ALCOHOL
Going to the dirtiest parts of waturbury and running around trying to get a few 40s after 10pm.. only to get stuck with these good sized bottles of the red apple wine cooler shit that this latino drug dealer bought us.
Coming home and vegging out, and laughing and laughing
waking up this morning only to find a huge mess in the kitchen, and endless amounts of art work that must be finished

Wed, 28 Feb 2007 21:43:52 GMT

[Step 1: Open up whatever MP3 program you use and add every song in your collection.]
[Step 2: Put it on random.]
[Step 3: Post the first line from the first 30 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing.]
[Step 4: Post and let everyone guess what song and artist the lines come from.]
[Step 5: Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is CHEATING! >:(]

1. squeaky swings and tall grass, the longest shadows ever cast

2. Come around and say you love me hang your heart and lights above me, is that too much to ask for?

3. im looking at you through a wine glass...

4. I was knee deep in a sick love, i was cross eyed under your drug

5. Show me show me show me how you do that trick

6. This is how it feels to be back at the beginning, can you help me im lost, must have gotten used to winning

7. Starry Starry night, paint your pallet blue and grey

8. iim worried about your health, im worried about how sick your getting, im worried about myself, and all the shit that i keep forgetting

9. My god sits in the back of the Limousine

10. she's got that look in her eye "that's ok, everything's alright", a lie she dreams of absolution

11. I should tell you im disaster i forget how to begin it

12. 20 20 20 24 hours ago i wanna be sedated

13. All i know is everything is not as its sold, but the more i grow the less i know, and i have lived so many lives but im not old

14. its hard to remember days, mornings lost in a chronic haze

15. Earth to Bella this is a quiet emergency

16. Sirens are calling for someone their own way. whose house is it gonna be? wait till the cryin comes close to still.. its
on our street today, roll up the dice if he comes a knockin takes one more away.

17. Adia i do believe ive failed you

18. we didnt have no place to live, we didnt have no where to go

19. I've had the same jeans on for four days now, im gonna go to a disco in the middle of the town

20. You give me that funny feeling in my tummy

21. Alphabet city is haunted..

22. you belong among the wildflowers, you belong on a boat out at sea

23. take it or leave it she said 'leave it at best'

24. Oh no I see a spider web is tangled up with me, and i lost my head at the thought of all the stupid things ive said

25. We all have a weakness some of ours are easy to identify

26. To see you when i wake up is a gift i didnt think could be real

27. I've been out walking, i dont do too much talking these days.. these days...

28. well i dont know why shes leaving or where shes gonna go, i guess she has her reasons but i just dont wanna know

29. This is the 7th time and ive got 7 reasons

30. Dead Meat dont you know you're dead meat

Tue, 27 Feb 2007 03:52:45 GMT

this weekend was pretty happy

Friday night Tori, Tim, Bri, Meg, Ben, Caitlin, Amber, and her boy toy Kyle came to my house to chill and laugh and throw things at eachother, we were all going to go out somewheres, but had no idea where. My mom was mad that i had people in the house when it was such a "mess" so when she got home everyone had to leave. so we hung out in the parking lot debating to go out somewhere. but then we decided to all hang out someother time. So i went inside and everyone left
It was like 12 at this point and i thought Ben was going to try and call to hook up with me (which he did) so i decided to avoid this at all costs. I heard my door open, but it was locked then i heard someone walk away and i was freaked out at this point. i thought it was him and i got a call from a private number and i also thought that was him. I find out the next day it was Tori wanting to spend the night at my house, i felt so bad, but she completely understood and we wondered why her number came up as private.

Saturday Bri, Meg, Bri's cousin, Tori and I decided to go to the Space to see Kevin Devine. we had a lot of fun, and sat near the magnetic words. We wrote funny things, some inspirational things etc. we had a blast and it was all cute. Tori and i got to my house at about 1:30 and slept till about noon. we were planning to have Bri and Meg come to my house that morning to make breakfast, but it was Bri's grandpa's birthday. Tori and I bonded all day, laughed, and had those insightful conversations i always yearn for.
that night Bri Meg and Caitlin came over for alittle while, and we were going to get a late night milkshake at this diner place Caitlin goes to a lot, but then she got a phone call from a friend asking for a ride. She gave Tori a ride home too along with Bri and Meg, so i decided to finish up my homework and go to sleep

Waking up at 11 and finding out there is a snow day sure is a blessing

Thu, 22 Feb 2007 00:01:27 GMT

the weekend was okay. I was supposed to go to NJ with Bridget, but that didnt happen, oh well, we decided to go in the spring time because it will be warmer then anyway.
Because of my NJ plans i had to cancel the ones i made with Sammy Bee, only to find out on friday that NJ wasnt happening, so i went to Hannah's where Nicky B, Shan, Gombie, her boyfriend Rob, Fayfay, Little Amber, and these boys who i cant really recall there names were. It was Shan's Birthday so we had like a mini celebration.
Blah blah blah we had a blast and laughed a lot, pretty much everyone left around 12:30/ 1:00 so it was just Shan, Hannah, and I. The next day Shan left in the early afternoon, Little Amber and Fay came back for a little while but left too. Hannah and I watched movies all day. We watched like five million. they were
Drop Dead Fred
Sleepy Hollow
Encino Man (LOL LOL LOL LOL)
The Coneheads
and we tried watching the Black Dahlia but at that point, couldnt pay attention to anything.
We got Coffee with Sarah, and i wrote her some random poetry on a piece of cardboard i found in her room.
blah blah blah.

The next day i had to go to a family party, which was really cute, i love my Dad's side but never really see them.
Then on Monday i went to the mall with Mina and Dayday to try on random dresses, and i fell in love with this really classy/cute mermaid cut dress that fit me perfectly, but my mom says i need a good excuse to wear it before she spends $200 on it.
blah blah blahhhhh

Today i had to go to the Doctor's for these pains i have been complaining about. They did bloodwork, and whatnot, and made me another appointment in a few weeks to get a closer look.

I hate how awful my grammar has been lately, but i have no desire to change it.

LOL i love Bridget

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 20:45:35 GMT

b a l l e x 3962 (3:29:33 PM): is larceny to the 3rd degree bad?

madhatterlovesT (3:33:09 PM): whats larceny?

Auto Response from b a l l e x 3962 (3:33:09 PM): anybody want to go sledding?

b a l l e x 3962 (3:33:24 PM): theft

b a l l e x 3962 (3:33:28 PM): i prob spelled it wron

b a l l e x 3962 (3:33:28 PM): g

madhatterlovesT (3:33:32 PM): because anything to the third degreee is bad

b a l l e x 3962 (3:33:39 PM): yikesss

b a l l e x 3962 (3:33:47 PM): dr. mfj is getting charged with it

madhatterlovesT (3:33:50 PM): ohh no

madhatterlovesT (3:33:53 PM): what did he do?

b a l l e x 3962 (3:33:57 PM): i dont know

b a l l e x 3962 (3:34:01 PM): eh said he was being framed

madhatterlovesT (3:34:17 PM): ohh no

madhatterlovesT (3:34:47 PM): i wanna go sledding

madhatterlovesT (3:35:00 PM): NAKED

b a l l e x 3962 (3:35:06 PM): itd be so cold

b a l l e x 3962 (3:35:10 PM): you'd lose your vagina!

madhatterlovesT (3:35:21 PM): lol true

madhatterlovesT (3:35:53 PM): and when i went to the dr he will be like "well ma'am it appears that youve lost your vagina"

b a l l e x 3962 (3:35:58 PM): and i wouldnt be the only one calling you nips

b a l l e x 3962 (3:36:02 PM): hahahahaha

madhatterlovesT (3:36:32 PM): and ill be all "i didnt 'lose' my vagina.. its not like i woke up and was like 'ohhh where did my vagina go?' I WENT SLEDDING IN THE NUDE"

madhatterlovesT (3:37:04 PM): i think id lose my nips too

b a l l e x 3962 (3:37:22 PM): mhmmmmm

b a l l e x 3962 (3:37:30 PM): you'd have the most awkward bodyy evah

madhatterlovesT (3:37:39 PM): ill join bands with hedwig

madhatterlovesT (3:37:43 PM): hes got an angry inch

madhatterlovesT (3:37:52 PM): i dont have nips or a vagina

b a l l e x 3962 (3:37:56 PM): haha

b a l l e x 3962 (3:37:59 PM): theyll be like

b a l l e x 3962 (3:38:00 PM): damnnn

b a l l e x 3962 (3:38:08 PM): we wouldnt talk to you if you didnt give amazing head

madhatterlovesT (3:38:14 PM): LMAO

madhatterlovesT (3:38:34 PM): WAIT I WANT TO KEEP MY VAGINA

madhatterlovesT (3:38:36 PM): because if i dont

madhatterlovesT (3:38:43 PM): then the only thing left for sex would be

b a l l e x 3962 (3:38:44 PM): you cant feel sex

madhatterlovesT (3:38:46 PM): *GASP* ANAL

b a l l e x 3962 (3:38:50 PM): hahahhahahahahaa

madhatterlovesT (3:38:51 PM): AHHHHHHHH\

b a l l e x 3962 (3:38:54 PM): well

b a l l e x 3962 (3:38:59 PM): then gay men would be like

b a l l e x 3962 (3:39:03 PM): oh, technically you're an it

b a l l e x 3962 (3:39:10 PM): and youi hve a nice tight ass

b a l l e x 3962 (3:39:12 PM): lets doo it

HAHAHAHHAHAHA where would i be without Bridget?

My Mommy

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 20:05:37 GMT

I feel like an idiot. there i was crying my eyes out because we were out of my medication, and i didnt know what to do. I should have just sucked it up and delt with it.. but being the spoiled brat that i am i just couldnt stop.

Then my mom knocked on my door to tell me that she was going to risk the weather to go get my medication. after trying to convince her that i would be fine she shrugged it off and went anyway.
After she left i saw a box of chocolates and a valentine's day card. From my mom.
And i realized that just because she isnt overly affectionate with a million hugs a day doesnt mean that she doesnt love me. She just shows it in other ways than other mothers.
I know it bothers her that she cant be warm, and she hates the akward feeling she gets when she tries.. and thats why she puts me and those she cares about before herself a lot. Because thats her way of hugging and encouraging us.

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 03:52:53 GMT

you will cry
I will cry
cause all the love is alive tonight

Tue, 13 Feb 2007 01:35:59 GMT

what i learned is:
You get a lot of snow in March
But it doesnt stick around much.

Tue, 06 Feb 2007 20:33:20 GMT

I underestimated my dog
she looks so cute and all so i dont watch my guard when i walk her
but the truth is, she can PULL
and she pulled me across ice
and it kinda hurt
really bad
hahah

Female Trouble - I Got Sumthin For Yer Face

Fri, 02 Feb 2007 02:38:43 GMT

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA I LOVE AUNT IDA

Mon, 29 Jan 2007 01:19:31 GMT

Pretty uneventful lately. I want to do something outlandish and silly. With people i dont see at all anymore.

Today i was bored so i sketched.

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 23:50:50 GMT

Today i had my english and Video production exams.
I am failing english and i swear i HAAAVVVEEE to bring the grade up, but its easier said then done.. to do that id actualy have to read the text.. and i dont feel like ittttt
So the exam was really pointless, and for our essay we had to write a script pretending we were having tea with 3 american spirits... HAHHAHA i chose Freedom Self Reliance and Compassion... they argued a lot.

Video production came and went. We had to finish our News Story.. and i swear to god it was the worst thing we have ever done in our lives. in all our cover shots we are yelling at eachother and the interviews suck and there arent enough of them. So we laughed it off and decided it is going to hold the recoprd for the worst news story ever.

Then Shan gave me a ride home, and it took us like 15 minutes to get out of the fucking parking lot because people are dumb.
We got to my house and watched scrubs and just vegged out. it was amazing, because we can connect, but kind of akward because im just such an akward person.

I am sorry i am akward, and that its hard to maintain a conversation with me, and it seems like i dont care about you.. because i do, i just get nervous to the point where i want to jump off a cliff. thats only when i take my meds though.

Anyway my night at Tori's was amazing, she feels so much like home. i cant explain it, just close and best friend like and just home.

Sat, 20 Jan 2007 22:51:37 GMT

so i was supposed to hang with some friends from woodbizzle tonight.... but they bailed on me.. no surprise there. i want to be reall catty about this, but i dont want it spreading around town like the fucking plague.... god i hate it here.

So Lonny called, and we talked about it. and i told him im glad that im distant lately, and im glad i dont care anymore, because it makes it easier to leave. And he said it was really depressing of me to say that. I know i know i know.... but its nothing but the truth.
He told me i dont seem happy at all lately, and ihad to choke back tears, i didnt know anyone noticed... my exterior seems cheery and full of bubbles.. and i hate how he can see through it.. and im mad that he is the only one who does.

Whatever.

So then Bri and Meg called telling me that there is a party at Tori's. I got really happy, because these are people who i can feel like im a part of, and let loose without the worry that they are judging me. I just wish they went to my school, and they were there to dance with in the mornings and blah blah blah.

So it seems like a bad day went and turned good... dont you just love those?

Fri, 19 Jan 2007 01:18:59 GMT

So midterms arent overwhelming me, they are just pissing me off.

Why do i have to save art projects till the last minute?
WHY
WHY
WHY

I kinda miss maine.

and i want to draw more cartoons.

Wed, 17 Jan 2007 03:22:22 GMT

i went to see Pans Labyrinth last night. it was really good, and really sad. I liked it and would totally love to see it again.

I had such a blast with my friends and blah blah blah and my therapist says its times like this where your brain decides you can handle some random repressed memory
Thanks a lot brain
Thanks.
and my brain also hates the winter time, but its okay brain, just get over it.

I dont know, i cant wait to get out of here, i feel like ive grown out of it.
Im ready for something new
and out of my comfort zone.
blah blah blah enough ranting. I need to absorb something